George Washington by Nate Bargatze dreams of making English as difficult as possible

George Washington by Nate Bargatze is back.

Last season SNLIn his portrayal of the Revolutionary War general, the comedian expressed a deep distaste for the straightforward metric system while also introducing the kind of country he wants to create. A year later he defends all the peculiarities of the English language and its strange naming customs.

“We will survive the battle that lies ahead because we fight to control our own destiny, to create our own nation and to do our own thing with the English language,” he said, assembling his troops in an open ship at his Page.

“I dream that one day our great nation will have a word for the number 'twelve.' We will call it 'a dozen,'” he said, prompting one of his men to ask what other numbers their own names should have.

“None,” he answered flatly.

“We will also have two names for animals – one when they are alive and another when they become food. So cows become cattle and pigs become pork,” he explained.

“And chickens, sir?” asked a soldier.

“That stays,” he replied. And other foods, he added, will be called “whatever we want,” like the hamburger.

“Made of ham, sir?”

“If only it were that easy. “A hamburger is made of beef, just like a buffalo wing is made of chicken,” he clarified. “But don’t worry, men: hot dogs won’t be made of dogs.”

Washington then orders a soldier who insists that the ingredients for a hot dog are known to throw himself overboard, which he does.

Finally, Washington addresses education, explaining that the first school year will be known as kindergarten. And as for the second year? “First class.”

Bargatze also discussed education in his stand-up monologue.

“I went to community college and – it’s a big deal. A lot of people probably don't know this, but with community college they say, 'You probably stay in your community,'” he joked.

“I took speech classes in college,” the Tennessee comedian continued. “I went there with my friends. They had real classes, and they were interested in economics, math, or something like that. I don't even know what a real class is called. I said, “I’m going to give a speech.” I think I’m a different part of campus. We stay in the same room and our teachers take turns. How about you?'”