“Let my song teach you”

Agatha all the time

If I can't reach you / Let my song teach you

Season 1

Episode 4

Editor's Rating

4 stars

****

Photo: Chuck Zlotnick/Disney+

From the studio that gave us Disney's first “exclusively gay” moment circa 2017, Marvel TV now brought us something infinitely gayer with the twisted, undoubtedly doomed duo of Agatha Harkness and Rio Vidal. It doesn't particularly matter whether they ever physically kiss (and to be clear, the yelp I let out at this episode's close call confirms that I am). extremely per the more explicit scenario). Whether or not Marvel's international markets ever acknowledge this, the irrefutable truth is that their relationship was and is anything but platonic as Agatha grabs Rio by the throat like a lifeline. To paraphrase Rio, they are each other's scars, hurting each other on a deeper level than either can particularly express without accidentally/intentionally stabbing each other.

And you know what? Good! Queer narratives have always been incorporated into the stories of witches, traditionally portrayed as women who are outcast for being different from what society deems acceptable. As Agatha points out at the beginning of this episode, she has put together a makeshift coven of otherwise “covenless witches” who some would call troublemakers, but she would call “rule breakers.” Even for witches, Agatha, Lilia, Jen and Alice are considered particularly outside the norm. If there were not some lesbian undertones to it Agatha all the timethe witch show wouldn't serve its purpose, Marvel mandates or not. Even the way Hahn changes Agatha's body language once she's back in her favorite shirt and pants is unmistakably queer (iykyk)! Most importantly, Hahn and Plaza have such incredible, sizzling chemistry that it would be a real crime to waste it on it Platonic.

With that little disclaimer, let’s rewind to the beginning of the episode. Since it looks like Mrs. Sharon Hart Davis is really dead (RIP), the coven is down and on edge with one member. For Agatha, loss is the inevitable cost of doing business on The Road, which is news to everyone else who has never been there. Apparently Agatha's previous journey ended with only one other survivor – who I'd bet is the same witch they summon from the ground not five minutes later.

Regardless of the legend that is Debra Jo Rupp's comic relief, the show immediately kicks into high gear as soon as Rio literally forces her way back into the show. Aubrey Plaza's performance is just so charismatic, so menacing, and so obviously the fulcrum for everything to come, even in Robin Williams' seemingly sexy Halloween costume version Jumanji Jungle survivor. (That's a compliment, Jumanji Forever.) Also, the entire circle is so hot and bothered by her that they're not sure what to do with it. As Jen puts it, “Do I hate her or do I want her phone number?”

Of course, since this is “The Road,” another trial awaits us. This time they go to a house that immediately scares Alice, and not just because it's a total eye-catcher on the set Bad times at the El Royale (a film that definitely exists). The late '60s/early '70s atmosphere is clearly reminiscent of her mother's recording studio, a memory that carries with it almost all of the baggage that Alice brings with it. At least it makes everyone look super hot (dodgy wigs notwithstanding), with Rio and Agatha in particular flirting with necklines so low that they suggest real sex appeal. What's next? Chest hair on a Marvel superhero?? A girl can dream…

As the countdown clock begins ticking – in the clever form of a metronome that should stress out anyone who took even a single piano lesson as a child – one by one the coven begins to writhe in pain. It turns out that the “birthmarks” on Alice's shoulder are actually signs of the curse her mother warned her about, and that it is now making its way through their new circle unless they can stop it. How, you ask? By breaking out into song, of course!

If I had to play a round of “Rock Band” to save my skin, it would have to be “Sweet Child O'Mine” by Guns N' Roses. Unfortunately, this is not the plan for our witches. Agatha correctly suspects that “Lorna's Ballad” – the cover that Alice's mother made for the song “The Road” – is actually a protective spell. As long as someone'S sings along somewhere, Alice is somewhat protected from the curse suffered by her mother and grandmother before her. “On The Road,” with Alice performing the song on the piano (while Lilia performs it on… maracas?), is enough to overcome the extreme Buffy-like demon appearing amid bursts of flames at the top of the studio. As harrowing generational trauma goes, it's pretty spectacular, and Ali Ahn handles the situation with serious sensitivity.

Nevertheless, “If I Can't Reach You / Let My Song Teach You” begins and ends with Agatha and Rio competing against each other again. As mentioned, with admittedly feverish interest on my part, things are almost looking up Really sexy as Agatha grabs Rio's face and leans in for what appears to be a very hungry kiss. That's them thisclose to crawl into each other's shoes when Rio withdraws and destroys the mood by spreading the word that Agatha's concern for the wounded teenager need not be maternal. “The boy isn’t yours,” she says. It's a simple line that completely breaks Agatha's black heart. Hahn briefly lets her face burst with new sadness before it becomes hard and determined again.

As with the previous episode, the process gives this one structure and a boost of energy that only an elaborate themed party can provide. “If I Can't Reach You / Let My Song Teach You” is a lot of fun, and the anticipation for Patti Lupone getting her own uncompromising solo in a Lilia Spotlight episode is only growing. But like the last episode, this episode has a similar overarching problem. The previous process relied on Jen's expertise to ostensibly highlight her and her story, just as Alice does. We learn a little more about each of them, from Alice's curse to Jen's harrowing story with a white Boston doctor (a cursed phrase if ever there was one). But even though Agatha reluctantly learns to trust her circle rather than immediately let it go, both Alice's and Jen's episodes ultimately belong to the series' titular character. As the song says, this story has always been Agatha's story.

• Programming note: While I had seen the first three episodes in advance, I am now officially Of The People, meaning no advance screener from now on. Please bear with me and any inaccuracies as I fly by as I put these summaries together as quickly as possible!

• Kathryn Hahn Line Read of the Week: “Heyyyyy, that’s my circle you’re talking about! I’m not such a witch anymore!”

• Patti Lupone Line Reading of the Week (an overdue tribute, especially since she did it from under a Liza Minnelli wig): “Oh, great! Fire!!”

• Speaking of which, I implore you all to take another look at Lupone's reaction when Rio took on a demonic voice. Between that and “I am covered in nipples,” I imagine that the situation between her and Plaza as roommates has basically been like this the whole time, and I’m once again jealous of both of them.

• Another shout out to my roommate because she noticed that Alice asked for “Advil” right before Rio Vidal “Pops out of the Ground” is indeed a very fun anagram way to welcome them back.

• So Rio is “The“Green witch, huh? Marvel wikis take this moniker down some interesting paths, but who knows! Let the rampant speculation begin!